It's late for me right now. I'm sure by some standards 10:15pm would be considered early, but for me it's late. But I wanted to post this before I went to bed. I wanted to chronicle my feelings, my heart, so that I can wake up tomorrow and read it once again... to remember ...I'm so quick to forget.

I've made a decision to move on! No, I'm not moving. But I've been stuck, spiritually. I've continued to look at "history" feeling numb and wondering what I could have done different. Well, even if I could somehow change things, I'm still not certain exactly what would need to change. But, I can't do that anyway so why even go there, right?

I've been placed at this mountain, this obstacle, not even knowing what "it" is. Feeling paralyzed. Not moving in either direction. A few years back there were a few events that shook my world. Rattled my view, and my faith. I think I've written about this before, and how my faith has weakened. I acknowledged it a few months passed but I really didn't move. And I started to look back again.

Well here I am in that place once again and God is saying to me, "this is the Day that the Lord has made"...Psalm 118:24. And He is saying to me, "believe me, as long as it is today".

Today, I will trust Him. Today. Today the battle is won. And I set up this memorial, Ebenezer.

In I Sam 7 the Israelites were fasting and confessing before God because they were afraid of the Philistine army. God told them to rid themselves of all that hindered them and to commit wholeheartedly to Him. Then the Philistines came up to do battle with them. But as they cried out to the Lord, He threw the Philistine army into such a panic and Israel overtook them.

Samuel then set up a memorial stone and named it "Ebenezer" which means "stone of help". "Thus far has the Lord helped us." Sam 7:12 Wow, that is a testimony. Yes, Lord, thus far the Lord has helped!

Christ is my "stone of help". Without Him I am nothing and can do noting. I would stand here in the middle of my river drowning because I haven't MOVED! I would fall before these mountains because I haven't WALKED. I would continue to look back and become a pillar of salt. Trying desperately to get something back that was lost instead of moving on to what is next.

I can't possibly know what is in the future, but I know what this moment is. I'm choosing this moment to move on. And tomorrow when I wake up, it will be another opportunity to move on...knowing that I am surrounded by the Rock and He has helped me this far...

Years ago I began to look for a rock to place in my yard to remind me of Ebenezer... I think I found one today... I had it all along!


Kathy said...

That's cool.

I am dying here waiting for updates. Usually I just go about my business and not worry about it but this month.... It just seems so long since I've been with the twins and it's only been six months.

Anita said...

Terry....WOW!! That was so powerful for me....to hear your heart and your words and your courage to move on. Writing it down IS SO IMPORTANT!! I'm so much like you...I know it my head and yet get stuck in what's going on instead of moving forward. Praying for you! Love you! ~Anita

Julie said...

Hi Terry-My heart echos your own. Keeping my eyes on Him in the midst of the valley has been a struggle, but I too choose to move forward, to trust, and to believe with HOPE. Praying them home,

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your heart, Terry. It was a reminder to move forward...I, too, get stuck, paralyzed, sometimes not wanting to move on because I'm afraid of what is next. We have THE ROCK, a constant reminder of His help, His strength, His ability to move.
Praying for you, my friend, praying for Asher to get to his momma!!